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Q: My teenager has worked hard throughout high school and just found out he/she got into a prestigious college. However, attendance depends on my financial help and I’m not able to afford it. How do I break the news to my son/daughter?

A: Gary Whitley is a counselor at Bend High School.

Whitley says in many cases, the emphasis of the college application process is on the admittance aspect, with students and their parents only confronting the realities of finances late in the game.

“This time of year is when they get their first reality check after seeing the cost,” Whitley said. “But it’s important to have discussions about finances earlier in the process.”

In most cases, parents do end up helping their children pay for college one way or another, whether that be through loans or other forms of financial aid, Whitley said.

But with some private colleges and universities costing $50,000 or more a year, grants and scholarships to cover the total cost can be difficult to come by. Before any decisions are made about financial support, Whitley recommends parents and students look at all forms of money available to students, adding up the “free” money, which he considers to be scholarships, grants and student work aid, and comparing that to any loans or savings to see the total balance of potential debt.

“The way financial aid works can be confusing for students,” Whitley said. “No one’s paying the sticker price, so you have to do some work to get a realistic view of the cost.”

Different colleges will offer different financial aid packages, and it’s important to sit down and calculate each one, and not write any off that may initially look expensive. Whitley said in some cases, private schools will offer students scholarships and grants that will make it cheaper to attend than some public universities.

But Whitley says the bottom line is if the finances don’t add up for your family, there’s really only one thing to do: be honest with your child.

“Oftentimes, even (high school) seniors don’t necessarily grasp the cautionary part of debt,” Whitley said. “I think you have to be honest about where your family is financially, and talk to them about the dangers of incurring too much debt.”

Whitley said the earlier students and parents discuss college finances, the better. Waiting to discuss finances until after the admission letters come back can set parents up as being the bad guys in their child’s eyes.

Whitley says there are plenty of options for students who may not be able to afford the high cost of a private school or university. Community college for a couple of years is a good route that can save students from a significant amount of debt. And, if they transfer successfully to a four-year university, students will come out of college with the same diploma for a lot less money.

Whitley says parents and students should be having discussions about finances for college during their sophomore and junior years of high school. He also recommends attending financial aid workshops that are offered at local high schools in November. This will ensure that both parents and their children are on the same page once the admission letters come back in the spring.

Also, Whitley said parents shouldn’t feel the entire weight of college finances is on their shoulders.

“Some students might expect their parents to pay for most of it and might not be putting as much effort into applying for scholarships,” Whitley said. “But it’s not just on parents. It should be a joint effort.”