To be human is to accept your failings, and when it comes to fish we have a lot to accept. Say ”fish,” and we think of three things, more or less simultaneously: 1) Where’s my pole? 2) Is the tartar sauce still fresh? and 3) Wasabiiii! We confess to being a little ashamed of this because, as People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals keeps telling us, fish are people, too.

PETA recently launched the Fish Empathy Project, which, as the name suggests, is supposed to make us wonder what it would be like to swim a mile in Flipper’s fins. Actually, it isn’t the swimming part we’re supposed to imagine, but the part where we take a bite out of a hook sandwich and end up in a frying pan with a cornmeal overcoat.

We admit it: We feel a little bad. We had been blissfully unaware of some of the information provided on PETA’s ”Fishing Hurts” Web page. For instance.

* ”Fish talk to each other with squeaks, squeals, and other low-frequency sounds … ”

* ”Fish like to be touched and often gently rub against one another – like a cat weaving in and out of your legs.” (This behavior, we’re guessing, is very pronounced among catfish.)

* ”Some fish tend well-kept gardens, encouraging the growth of tasty algae and weeding out the types they don’t like.”

Just imagine a giant net falling out of the sky one day as you’re weeding your garden and chatting on your cell phone – or, worse, engaging in a little affectionate rubbing. That could really ruin your day.

Not convinced? Well, if you don’t care about your own suffering, you must care about that of your pets. Would you even dream about putting a dog treat on a giant hook and playing cast-and-fetch with Rover? Surely not; yet, as PETA tells us, ”fish are smart, interesting animals with their own unique personalities – just like the dogs and cats we share our homes with.” Plus, they don’t start meowing, barking or scratching at the door the moment you drift off to sleep.

Being a savvy organization that recognizes the hard-heartedness of most adults, PETA’s fish site has some advice for kids, too. For instance, ”If someone asks you to go fishing, explain why you won’t go. Tell them that fish have feelings and deserve to live just like anyone else. Suggest some of these activities instead: Frisbee, kite-flying … ” And, kids, ”If your town is holding a fishing tournament or other fishing event, hold a demonstration … ”

We think this page could have offered kids some advice on winning back their friends, but that’s a small quibble. When it comes to saving the lives of gardening, squeaking, rubbing fish, having your friends dismiss you as a pedantic dork is really a small price to pay. Who needs fish murderers for friends, anyway?

We’ve got to hand it to PETA. The group has given us new resolve. We may never be able to stop thinking of fish wriggling on a hook, deep fried and tender, slathered with tartar sauce, wrapped up raw in neat little sushi wheels, dipped in soy sauce and dabbed with wasabi … Oops, sorry. But we hereby swear to stop eating fish … the moment they stop eating each other.