PORTLAND —

As hundreds of people of all ages gathered in the streets around Powell’s City of Books on July 20 dressed as wizards and warlocks, waiting for the release of the seventh and final book of the Harry Potter saga, I was eight blocks away, and underground.

I was in the Shanghai Tunnels, one of the most evil and notorious dens of iniquity to be found on this planet 100 years ago. I shined my flashlight upon opium beds, trap doors, stairways to nowhere and jail-cell bars behind which kidnap victims once vainly screamed their pleas of mercy before they were sold to unscrupulous ship captains and sent out to exotic ports, many never to return.

From above me, as I beheld this tragic scene, I heard Donna Summer, the queen of ’80s music, lapse into song. Was it the karaoke bar or the female impersonators’ club just down the street? It didn’t matter. It just underscored what I already knew: Portland is weird.

I had actually seen a bumper sticker to that effect earlier in the day: “Keep Portland Weird.” Naturally, it was stuck upside down on the car’s tailgate.

With apologies to David Letterman, here are my Top 10 Weirdest Things About Portland.

No. 10: The Simpsons

Creator Matt Groening was born in Portland and raised on Evergreen Terrace in the West Hills, the middle of five children of Homer and Margaret (Marge) Groening. The animated cartoon family lives on Evergreen Terrace, and the parents are Homer and Marge. Protagonist Bart Simpson’s two sisters have the same names as Groening’s own younger sisters, Lisa and Maggie.

Portland streets have given their names to many of the television show’s characters, including (Ned) Flanders, (Reverend) Lovejoy, (Mayor) Quimby, (Sideshow Bob) Terwilliger and (Milhouse) Van Houten. And Homer’s boss, the evil Montgomery Burns? When Groening was growing up in the 1950s, a giant Montgomery Ward sign lit up the west Portland night, not far off the end of Burnside Street.

No. 9: Stark’s Vacuum Cleaner Museum

More than 300 antique vacuum cleaners, from the Duntley Pneumatic to the two-person Busy Bee (he pumped, she swept), fill a long room along the Couch Street wall of Stark’s Vacuums in northeast Portland. You’ll be sucked in by wooden prototypes from the 19th century to streamlined models from the space-age ’60s.

It’s hard to imagine many of the models being more efficient than a broom. Stark’s is not far off the east end of the Burnside Bridge, on Northeast Grand Avenue between Couch and Davis streets.

Honorable mention in the collection category goes to the Historical Museum of Early Oil Days in the corporate offices of WSCO Petroleum in northwest Portland. Although the collection is slowly being sold off, the dozens of fueling tanks, from the very early 20th century up to more modern times, offer an unusual look at evolution in the gas industry.

No. 8: Bazaar of the Bizarre

If you’ve ever wanted to buy a heart that pumps fake blood, or an extra eyeball, or a hand that’s been severed at the wrist (a clean break of the ulna and radius), this east Portland shop is the place to come. You’ll also find an impressive collection of miniature farm animals and wild creatures, glow-in-the-dark skeletons and Halloween accessories you didn’t know you couldn’t live without, like giant stuffed tarantulas.

R.I.P.: I miss Wacky Willy’s Surplus Store, which permanently closed its northwest Portland and Hillsboro locations in September. It wasn’t just the aisles of computer components, or the Desert Storm postcards, or the tiny purple-and-pink army guys (40 for a buck), or the 100 old-fashioned dial telephones, or the 27,000 pieces of itty-bitty Plexiglas. It was all of those things, but it was also the sarcastic labels the owners put on them to describe the indescribable.

No. 7: Movie Madness

Anthony Perkins’ knife from “Psycho.” John Wayne’s Winchester rifle from “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.” Faye Dunaway’s getaway dress from “Bonnie and Clyde.” A big-headed Martian from “Mars Attacks!” They’ve all established permanent residence at Movie Madness in southeast Portland’s Belmont district. Above and among the shelves of the video store, and in display cases that seem to have taken their locations without rhyme or reason, are all manner of movie paraphernalia. And if you’re looking for a particularly hard-to-find film you recall from your youth, or the latest releases in Russian or Tagalog, you’ll find them here, too.

Portland is a great movie town, by the way. Not only are there plenty of independent theaters, such as the Living Room Theaters or the various rooms owned by the McMenamins group, there also are several film festivals each year. Consider the Peripheral Produce eXperimental Film Festival in late April and the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival of Gothic horror cinema in early October, both at the Hollywood Theatre, 4122 N.E. Sandy Blvd.

No. 6: Greek Cusina

What can be said about a giant inflatable purple octopus that spreads its eight appendages over the corner of Southwest Fourth Avenue and Washington Street downtown? This is no seasonal novelty. It’s the trademark of Greek Cusina, a Mediterranean restaurant and nightclub. On late weekend nights, this quiet eatery transforms into a frenzied dance club worthy of Athens, with a bouzouki band, belly dancers, ouzo drinking and plate smashing.

A little ouzo may have influenced the residents of what I call the Lawn Ornament House at Northeast Glisan Street and Floral Place near Laurelhurst. How else to explain the bizarre collection of animals, saints, floral wagons, bird baths and other garden decorations that have been gathered around the front door of this otherwise normal-looking residence? Driving past, I was so shocked I had to do an extra circuit of the block to be sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me.

No. 5: The Alibi

You’ll need no excuse to check out this north Portland institution, an authentic tiki restaurant and lounge since 1947. Marked by the huge neon palm trees of the nearby Palm Motor Court, the Alibi feels like 1950. Enter through a barrel to a scene that includes carved day-glo hula dancers and wait staff who all wear palm trees on their shirts. Order an umbrella drink and dive into the karaoke scene that dominates Wednesday through Saturday nights. Ask about Exotiki, a festival of bad tropical music that includes 24-hour pagan voodoo weddings. A free buffet at midnight Saturdays really turns up the decibel level.

Honorable mention in offbeat restaurants goes to Dots Cafe in the Clinton neighborhood. Coolest of the cool, Dots has velvet wallpaper, a hipster clientele, lots of veggie-friendly items (like Ms. Bunny’s Gardenburger) and a full list of French-fry items: chile-cheese fries, bacon-cheddar fries, fries with spicy tofu sauce.

A personal favorite, hard by the foot of the Morrison Bridge, is the Veritable Quandary, known to its faithful as the “VQ.” In years past, the regular clientele could count on a chorus of Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” every midnight, until a woman dancing atop the bar made a misstep, fell and got hurt. Now you can get good food at the VQ, but like Rodney Dangerfield, you can’t get no “Respect.”

No. 4: Hoodoo Antiques

According to Portland native Chuck Palahniuk, author of “Fight Club” and “Fugitives and Refugees,” this quirky Old Town shop has a resident ghost: a young woman wearing a bonnet and an 1860s-era dress. She’s the same woman depicted in a small oval portrait that owner Mike Eadie’s mother-in-law found in the wall of her former art studio, in an abandoned saloon and brothel. Eadie hung the picture inside the front door of his shop, and ever after, passers-by reported seeing a woman in a long dress and bonnet standing in shadows near the back of the store. The motion detectors were never tripped and nothing was ever taken.

I didn’t see the ghost. Perhaps Eadie sold the portrait.

No. 3: Our Lady of Eternal Combustion

There’s no need to confuse the car that the Rev. C. Edward “Chuck” Linville drives and the church that he leads: They’re one and the same. Every square inch of the white 1967 Biscayne is covered with stickers, beads, feathers, plastic dolls and household appliances. Reverend Chuck, ordained (as is his dog) with the Universal Life Church, will be glad to marry you in the back of his car, either for a night or forever; in fact, he guarantees he’ll get you “legally married in 10 minutes or less or your money back!” He also offers taxi service. One of Linville’s biggest annual challenges is deciding which of his three “art cars” (he also owns Jesus Chrysler and Danger Car) he’ll be driving to Burning Man.

Another vehicular curiosity is Portland’s annual Adult Soapbox Derby down the steep slopes of Mount Tabor, one of only two extinct volcanoes within city limits in the continental United States. (The other is Bend’s Pilot Butte.) Yes, cars crash. Yes, people get hurt.

And yes, there are winners, in categories from speed to engineering to costumes. This year’s finals are Aug. 25. You can still get on the waiting list at Beulahland, the sponsoring bar and restaurant.

No. 2: Voodoo Doughnu

t

“The Magic is in the Hole!” claim the pastry makers at Voodoo Doughnut, a tiny 24-hour walk-up counter that has somehow figured out a way to present live music. It’s a favorite of the late-night club crowd, which gravitates to Voodoo Doughnut when the nightclubs have stopped selling drinks. Want to get married? Voodoo will do the job and throw in a doughnut. What flavor do you like? Tangfastic? Bacon Maple? Blood-Filled? Dirty Snowball?

The hole that Voodoo Doughnut filled is the hole left several years ago by the closing of the 24-Hour Church of Elvis, an up-the-back-stairs joint down a side street opposite the Tugboat Tavern. Amid velvet Elvises and a formal shrine to the King was the Northwest’s most unique wedding chapel. You’d pay $5, exchange toy rings, swear a kooky oath, then carry a large sign around the block declaring your vows to the city folk. There was no qualification for weddings, either: There were same-sex marriages, group marriages, you name it. You could even marry your dog.

No. 1: Shanghai Tunnels

There were no faux weddings in the Shanghai Tunnels, but there were plenty of shenanigans. Between 1850 and 1941, according to historian Michael Jones, tens of thousands of able-bodied men were kidnapped from waterfront streets, drugged in bars and dropped through trap doors, imprisoned in underground cells and sold to ship captains for “blood money.” Between about 1870 and the start of the First World War, Jones said, victims numbered 3,000 a year, or more than eight a day. They might wake up aboard a ship, having passed the Columbia River bar, already at sea, bound for destinations unknown.

No other city in North America, not even San Francisco, was so notorious. “A ship never left his port without a full crew,” said Jones.

Shanghai victims weren’t the only ones stuck in the 5.25 miles of tunnels that Jones and his Cascade Geographic Society have charted beneath the streets of modern Portland. White slavers captured women for the sex trade on the East Coast and overseas. Opium addicts, primarily Chinese, relaxed in their cloudy dreams on bunk beds that still stand in these underground precincts. During the Prohibition era, the tunnels were a great place to funnel moonshine into speakeasies behind the backs of law enforcement.

The best (really, the only) way to see the tunnels today is with an organized tour. Join Jones and his tour guides with Portland Underground Tours, which leave evenings from Hobo’s Restaurant in Old Town, or Portland Walking Tours, which begin afternoon tours from Pioneer Courthouse Square.

Unique hotels

Three Portland hotels, all of them new in a sense, offer a sense of the quirky (in tune with the theme of a visit to “offbeat” Portland) while providing safe and comfortable accommodations for visitors.

The Hotel deLuxe has replaced what was until last year the well-loved but long-at-the-tooth Mallory Hotel. The new design is inspired by the Golden Age of film, with each of the seven guest floors (130 rooms) dedicated to different stars and producers from the era of the 1930s to the 1950s. (Hitchcock is on the second floor; Orson Welles and John Huston are on the fourth). You’ll find live jazz in Gracie’s restaurant and great martinis in the Driftwood Room.

The Ace Hotel reopened earlier this year after the total refurbishment of the 1912 Clyde Hotel, in an area once known as Portland’s Gay Triangle. The 79-room hotel might be termed bohemian. Artsy and minimalist, it retains a sense of history in the original large windows, high ceilings and deep cast-iron bathtubs. Many of the rooms on the lower floors share baths, in the European style; spacious upper-story suites have king beds, private baths, and old stereos with 33-rpm records to play!

The Jupiter Hotel has been around a little longer, since 2005. Surrounding the Doug Fir Restaurant and Lounge, one of Portland’s hippest nightclubs, this transformed motel has 80 rooms with ‘60s retro decor (platform beds, shag carpeting, doors that double as chalkboards). For late-night partyers, they also become love nests (there are mirrors on multiple walls and the hotel’s own condoms on the bedside tables). And parking is free.

— John Gottberg Anderson

NEXT WEEK: MOUNT ST. HELENS

VISITING PORTLAND

EXPENSES

IF YOU GO INFORMATION

LODGING

RESTAURANTS

ATTRACTIONS

Bonus quirks

• Gas (350 miles @ $2.90/gallon) $40.60

• Lodging, two nights, Jupiter Hotel $220.25

• Dinner, Veritable Quandary $27

• Breakfast, Voodoo Doughnut $3.50

• Lunch, Dots Cafe $12

• Dinner, Greek Cusina $21

• Breakfast, Stumptown (Ace Hotel) $5.50

• Admission, Shanghai Tunnels $12

TOTAL $341.85

• Portland Oregon Visitors Association: 701 Sixth Ave., Portland; 503-275-8355 or 877-678-5263, www.travelportland.com

• Ace Hotel: 1022 S.W. Stark St., Portland (Downtown); 503-228-2277, www.acehotel.com. Rates from $85.

• Hotel deLuxe: 729 S.W. 15th Ave., Portland (Downtown); 503-219-2094 or 866-895-2094, www.hoteldeluxeportland .com. Rates from $149.

• Jupiter Hotel: 800 E. Burnside St., Portland (Lower Burnside); 503-230-9200 or 877-800-0004, www.jupiterhotel .com. Rates from $89.

• The Alibi: 4024 N. Interstate Ave., Portland (NoPo); 503-287-5335

• Beulahland: 118 N.E. 28th Ave., Portland (Laurelhurst); 503-235-2794

• Dots Cafe: 2521 S.E. Clinton St., Portland (Clinton); 503-235-0203

• Greek Cusina: 404 S.W. Washington St., Portland (Downtown); 503-224-2288

• Hobo’s: 120 N.W. Third Ave., Portland (Old Town); 503-224-3285

• Veritable Quandary: 1220 S.W. First Ave., Portland (Downtown); 503-227-7342

• Voodoo Doughnut: 22 S.W. Third Ave., Portland (Old Town); 503-241-4704

• Bazaar of the Bizarre: 7202 N.E. Glisan St., Portland (Northeast); 503-235-3552

• Hoodoo Antiques: 122 N.W. Couch St., Portland (Old Town); 503-497-1002

• Movie Madness: 4320 S.E. Belmont St., Portland (Belmont); 503-234-4363.

• Our Lady of Eternal Combustion: 1737 S.E. Miller St., Portland (Sellwood); 503-232-3504

• Portland Underground Tours: 503-622-4798; www.shanghaitunnels.info

• Portland Walking Tours: 503-774-4522; portlandwalkingtours.com

• Stark’s Vacuums: 107 N.E. Grand Ave., Portland (Lower Burnside); 503-232-4101

• WSCO Petroleum: 2929 N.W. 29th Ave., Portland (Northwest); 503-243-2929

In the event this story hasn’t already convinced you that Portland is weird, here are a couple of other examples of things that make this city like no other.

• Portland is home to the world’s smallest dedicated park, 2 square feet in the median of a downtown intersection. Mill Ends Park (Southwest Naito Parkway and Taylor Street) traces its origin to a reporter for the old Oregon Journal, who got tired of seeing a barren pothole in the middle of the view from his window. So the man planted some flowers there … and today, the pothole-turned-park is maintained by city work crews.

• Once you’ve soothed your soul in the park, you may be ready to take on Portland’s Museum of Velvet Paintings (518 N.E. 28th Ave., 503-233-5100). For eight years, Caren Anderson and Carl Baldwin collected velvet paintings from Arizona to Peru … more than 1,500 in all. Their museum, which opened in late 2005, displays 200 of them at a time. It’s open Friday to Sunday afternoonsand admission is $3.

— John Gottberg Anderson