Keep portions small, really small.Parents don’t often realize portion sizes for children should be much smaller than those for adults, according to Jennifer Shu, author of “Food Fights.” She recommends a meat serving the size of a child’s fist or palm; for veggies she suggests a tablespoon per year of age.

“Clean your plate.”

It’s a phrase that’s gone the way of the Formica kitchen table and a plate of liver and onions — still around, just not nearly as popular as it once was. Thirty or 40 years ago, the notion that kids needed to finish what they were served was pretty common. If youngsters didn’t comply, they might hear a speech about starving children in China.

Now, the thinking among dietitians and pediatricians — not to mention parents — has shifted away from the clean plate.

While many people grew up having to clean their plates, now that practice is associated with overeating, according to pediatrician and co-author of “Food Fights,” Jennifer Shu. She believes “people come to the table with baggage” when it comes to eating because of the way they were raised. Shu encounters people who eat for comfort or eat as a reward, which, like the clean-plate club, are not good ideas.

Ideally, we would eat for hunger and drink for thirst, says Shu. But getting to that place may be hard, if not impossible.

Bend mom of three Carey Killen wanted to try something different with meal time than the way she grew up. Thanksgiving was never one of Killen’s favorite holidays. Why? Because she didn’t like the stuffing.

It had some kind of spice or herb that she just plain didn’t like. But her parents always required her to eat it. She ended up disliking the holiday because she dreaded her yearly encounter with the stuffing.

Killen didn’t want her children to have this kind of negative association with food, so she never forces them to eat anything they don’t want to. But she still faces some food issues. Her son Liam, 6, is a picky eater. Left alone, he would mostly eat bread products and fruit, according to Killen. He shies away from meat, anything spicy or anything with a dash of unusual flavor.

“It was important for me to not repeat the food battles with him.”

Sometimes she finds herself making dinners she knows Liam will eat, rather than serving dinners she likes. Killen is trying to “correct course” to “make sure we’re cooking things we as adults would enjoy.”

But Killen, like so many parents, finds serving healthy, well-balanced meals kids will actually eat isn’t easy.

Sometimes parents don’t do themselves favors on this front, according to Lori Brizee, a registered dietitian with Central Oregon Nutrition Consultants in Bend.

“Parents make it harder for themselves than they need to,” said Brizee.

Mealtime tips

Dietitians, nutritionists and pediatricians offer all sorts of advice for families that want to make mealtime easy and healthy for youngsters:

• Be a good role model. One of the first things Brizee asks parents do to is look at their own habits. Do kids see Mom and Dad eating vegetables? Do they complain about salad or have a fixation about dessert? Kids notice these things and will follow suit. “Kids whose parents eat vegetables eat vegetables,” said Brizee.

• Consider the division of responsibility. This is an idea from therapist, author and respected food expert Ellyn Satter. The idea is parents are responsible for the what, when and where of feeding. Kids are responsible for whether and how much. This means parents are in charge of selecting and providing the meal and can designate where a child should eat, but it is OK for little ones to decline to eat what is provided. Many of the suggestions that follow come back to this essential division.

• Don’t become a short-order cook. Letting kids dictate the menu is a mistake, according to registered dietitian Melinda Johnson, of Chandler, Ariz., because children do not understand nutrition or know the kinds of foods available. It also shifts the balance of power. “I think some parents are so afraid of making children unhappy,” said Brizee. “Don’t worry about it.”

• Know that your children won’t go hungry. “Parents get so worried when kids don’t want to eat,” said Brizee. But children, for the most part, will not go hungry when there is food available. Often, kids realize if they refuse to eat dinner, they will get the option of eating something they prefer more later.

• With new foods, try, try again. Kids are “naturally skittish on trying new things,” according to Johnson. But that’s no reason for parents to stop serving that particular item. If a child doesn’t want to try, say, kiwi the first time it’s served, that doesn’t mean they will never like it. Johnson suggests parents try five, six, even 10 times. Brizee suggests up to 30 tries with a new food. Johnson kept serving her son broccoli even though he didn’t like it. Eventually, he discovered he enjoyed the flavor when he dipped it in soy sauce. Because Johnson never made a big deal out of his dislike, her son was willing to keep giving the green veggie a shot.

• Eat together. Sitting down and eating together at a table helps children socialize and helps families connect, according to Brizee. She also thinks people are far more apt to make a well-balanced meal when it is served at a table, rather than eaten on the go.

• Eat at a table. Eating in front of the TV can lead to “mindless eating,” says Johnson. When children get up from where they are eating, Brizee thinks parents should put the food away to prevent grazing.

• Don’t let kids graze. Brizee sees this as one of the biggest issues regarding food. Children are allowed to eat throughout the day and then are not hungry at dinnertime. “They need a chance to develop an appetite.” She recommends parents allow two to four hours between each meal and snack.

• Remember that hunger isn’t an emergency. Some of the worst choices involving kids and food come while they are on the go with parents. When kids are hungry and riding in the car, parents sometimes turn to fast food or snack food that isn’t healthy, says Shu. She reminds parents that “kids don’t always have to eat that second.” And to try to take along healthier snacks, such as dried fruit and water.

• Don’t force it. A sure way to guarantee a child will hate a particular food is to force them to eat something they don’t like, according to Johnson. Many adults harbor dislike for a particular food because their parents made them eat it when they were little.

• Recognize that kids’ taste buds are different. Children have more taste buds than adults and their taste buds are also “a lot more vibrant,” according to Johnson. This is why grown-ups often find themselves liking some foods they didn’t enjoy as children. Foods that can set off these sensitive taste buds include vegetables with a strong or bitter taste, according to Johnson, such as cauliflower, broccoli or brussels sprouts.

• Keep in mind that it’s not about just one day. Parents may fret if a child eats poorly one day, but Shu says they need to have a broader view. She suggests parents take a look at a whole week at a time to see patterns or issues. One day is nothing to worry about.

• Keep in mind the child’s development. Between 18 months and 2 years is when kids begin to say no and assert independence, according to Shu. So being picky and refusing to eat something is part of a developmental stage. Brizee points out that children ages 2-7 grow very slowly and therefore do not require as many calories. And because they don’t need as much food, they “can afford to be picky.”

• Try to see the difference between being picky and a true dislike. We all have foods we don’t care for, but many times children turn away from food before they have had a bite. Shu thinks parents should continue to serve a food again and again, unless a child truly dislikes it. She says parents can judge by how intense their reaction is when they have a small bite.

• Don’t make a big deal out of food. If kids don’t want to eat something, parents shouldn’t worry or scold the little ones. “People make eating into this punitive thing,” said Brizee.

• Get kids involved. Kids take real ownership and pride when they get to help grow or prepare their food, according to Shu. Even parents without gardens can invite children to the grocery store. Shu encourages parents to get kids to help them look at nutrition labels and food costs.

• Keep portions small, really small. Parents don’t often realize portion sizes for children should be much smaller than those for adults, according to Shu. She recommends a meat serving the size of a child’s fist or palm; for veggies she suggests a tablespoon per year of age.

• Don’t offer treats as rewards. Sometimes parents may offer dessert to a child who eats all of his or her broccoli. But this sets up a bad precedent, according to Shu. Bribing a kid into eating something means they are likely to assume it can’t possibly be good. “Studies show that bribing children to eat certain foods causes them to resist eating those foods even more than if they had just been left alone,” according to Shu’s book.

• “No, thank you” rule is OK. Shu likes the idea of a “no, thank you” bite. Children have to try a bit of each dish, but then can say “no, thank you.”

* Sneaking veggies into dishes is OK, to a point. A few recent books have promoted the idea of “sneaking” vegetables into kids’ food, through purees, soups and sauces. While this is fine, Johnson points out it is not ideal. “The main goal is to raise competent eaters.” If a parent is hiding broccoli in brownies, “you’re not raising a broccoli eater.” She also thinks parents shouldn’t have to feel they are “doing circus tricks” in the kitchen.

• Don’t banish treats. “I think treats are good,” said Shu. She thinks one small treat every day, such as a cookie or popsicle, is fine. Otherwise, if parents don’t offer any treats, children begin to worship the goodies.

• Beware of drinks. Fruit juices, even those that are 100 percent fruit, are very high in calories, according to Brizee. She recommends parents be careful serving juice as well as drinks with sugar. Shu sees juice as a treat.

• Don’t be overly restrictive . When families completely eliminate something from a child’s diet, say refined sugar, they can set up a situation in which the child over-indulges on that when given a chance. Johnson says parents “don’t want to be too strict in their own house because then kids get to Grandma’s house and go crazy.”

• Don’t expect rules to be strictly followed by others. Parents should recognize “you can’t control Grandma’s house,” according to Johnson. Parents can make requests, but they cannot expect Grandma or other parents to strictly enforce their rules and regulations. The exception to this, of course, is following food-allergy restrictions.

• Think of snacks as mini-meals, not as treats. Too often, people assume snacks consist of “snack food” and end up serving crackers or cookies. Johnson suggests parents instead go for fruit and yogurt.

• Don’t enforce special rules or restrictions for overweight children. Kids who are overweight “should be fed exactly the same” as little ones who are not, according to Johnson. Parents should offer a healthy, well-balanced meal and kids should be able to eat as much of it as they would like. Being restrictive can often lead to hoarding or other unhealthy behaviors and views about food, according to Johnson.