Verla Phillips, 79, and her sister Charlotte Still, 82, live about four miles apart in Prineville and see each other nearly every day. They play pinochle Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, they get their hair and nails done. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays they “do as we please,” said Still. (But they usually end up eating dinner together at least one of those nights anyway.)

The pair of sisters have always been close. When they’re not playing cards, they like to tell all kinds of stories. Still keeps the jokes and tales coming, while Phillips adds little comments here and there. Still talks about their childhood spent catching (and eating) bullfrogs. And they chuckle over racier stories Still spills about a vacation in Hawaii they took as adults. “We’ve had a lot of fun,” said Still. She says she taught her little sister how to get into trouble.

“We can’t do too much mischief anymore,” said Phillips. But they can still talk about it.

The sisters grew up in a family of seven brothers and sisters in the Ozarks of Missouri. One brother remains in Missouri, while sister Ivon Williamson, 92, and younger brother Jerry Cole, 69, both live in Prineville. Still and Phillips keep in touch with them often. But the pair, who are both married, spend most of their time together.

Siblings are often the longest relationships people have during their lifetimes.

We often know our brothers and sisters from infancy or childhood to old age. But those connections and bonds can be neglected or under-appreciated.

“It’s probably the only relationship we really take for granted,” said Ohio marriage and family therapist Karen Gail Lewis. Yet siblings are the only people who share our exact DNA and it is near impossible to truly shed the relationship. Friends and even spouses can disappear from our lives.

“Siblings have a bond. They can either embrace it or ignore it,” said Marion Somers, California geriatric care manager and author of “Elder Care Made Easier.”

The positives

Because of their shared past, siblings have a lot of potential resources to share with one another, said Somers. Often brothers and sisters help each other remember past events, from weddings and birthdays to the time one of them fell out of a tree.

“Old people are always looking for ways to enhance memory,” said Somers. This is more than a way to pass time; reminiscing is powerful in many ways. It helps with mental acuity and also enhances the way older people see themselves and reminds them of all the love they experienced in their lives. It can help them become reflective and accepting.

Siblings also share intimacy. “You know this person really knows you and accepts you,” said Somers. Siblings also know family gossip and secrets. “If you really want to know what your father is like, ask his sister,” said Somers.

Lewis says siblings “remind us of the self we used to be.” Older people sometimes look in the mirror and don’t identify with the person they see. “Inside us, we still feel our younger self.” And sometimes no one but a brother or sister knows that self. People also want to maintain a connection with their parents, who are still missed even though they’ve been dead for 20 or 30 years.

“It’s a way of holding on to your family of origin,” said Lewis.

Deborah Tannenstudied sister relationships for her book “You Were Always Mom’s Favorite!” She found that people who had a sister were less likely to be depressed.

Those without siblings don’t have to miss out on this relationship. Often they reach out to other members of the family, says Somers. They find a surrogate to share memories and stories, and those relationships can be as influential, binding and supportive.

The challenges

“Siblings are a very mixed blessing,” said Somers. “Not everyone gets along with their sibling.”

Often brothers and sisters establish a relationship dynamic as children that continues into adulthood. The oldest is seen as bossy and the youngest gets away with anything, for instance. Lewis calls these “frozen images.” And even though a person may no longer be bossy or a baby, siblings still see us that way and that breeds resentment, says Lewis.

“It really interferes with having a relationship. That causes a lot of problems,” said Lewis.

Tannen interviewed one pair of sisters ages 101 and 103. The younger sister still felt her older sister didn’t approve of her, and the older one said the only reason she was alive was to take care of her younger sister. They still had the same dynamic.

It takes a lot of work to break out of those patterns. But Somers says even in a late, late stage of life people can break out and change.

Mending, moving forward

After age 65, only 3 percent of siblings are cut off from each other, according to Lewis. She says siblings often grow apart during adulthood and middle age, particularly when adults create their own families and lives. Those in their 50s and 60s may still harbor hurt from childhood, but as old age sets in and the reality of death appears, many seniors reconnect and grow closer to their brothers and sisters. Lewis says many siblings come back together when a parent gets sick.

Some let go of old hurts, choose to ignore them or “walk around the areas that cause conflict,” said Lewis. When your spouse dies, when kids grow up, when friends move away, when you have heart surgery or treatment for cancer, “the perspective shifts as to what’s most important,” said Lewis.

Older individuals often want to mend fences. They want to die with a clean slate, says Somers. Sometimes the person can’t even remember what they were fighting about to begin with.

Trying to mend a relationship can be very powerful. In Somers’ experience, once the relationship is re-established, “the bond is just as strong as if there had never been a rift.”

Even siblings with a history of real meanness or abuse during childhood can repair their relationships, according to Lewis. If siblings fought a lot, their relationship can be fixed, but if siblings were disconnected, that can be the hardest to help, says Lewis. “At least fighting is a connection.”

Sometimes bickering is part of the bond, according to Lewis. She was brought into a nursing home to help two sisters in their 90s stop fighting. They were still fighting about which one their mother loved more. Lewis realized that “this was their only connection to each other” and in some way this interaction was important to them and helped them stay connected to each other and their mother. “It’s wasn’t painful. After all these years, it was just familiar,” said Lewis.

Dynamics and helping

Lewis has noticed a difference between brothers and sisters. In general, sisters tend to be more emotional and do more of the reaching out. Brothers don’t express themselves as easily and don’t get as deeply involved. For instance, Lewis says a brother may be unlikely to call up just to say, “Boy, do I miss you today.” This may make it easier for them to walk around conflict, whereas sisters tend to carry grudges more and feel a deeper need to talk about and resolve childhood wounds, says Lewis.

Still and Phillips have helped each other through illness and injury. Phillips moved from Alaska to help care for Still after a bad injury from a horse. “It meant a whole lot because it helped me recover,” said Still. In turn, she helped Phillips’ family when brother-in-law Ermal had back surgery. And Still helps Phillips get around since she had a stroke more than a year ago.

Redmond resident Tonia Cain, 70, is very close with her sister, Judy McDevitt, who lives less than a block away. They visit at least once a week and frequently talk on the phone. While they sometimes had little issue as teenagers, Cain says they’ve been close as adults. And that closeness helped them both during tough times, including marriages breaking up and sickness. Her sister was diagnosed with cancer three years ago and this makes Cain realize that “our time together is special.”

Bend resident Robert Smith, 66, says he became very close to his younger brother Richard while serving as his caregiver. Smith moved to Oregon from the D.C. area in 2006 after visiting his sister, who lives in Pendleton.

His brother Richard visited from the east coast and ended up ripping his quad muscle. Smith took care of him for six weeks. “I bonded really close with him.” When his brother returned home, he was diagnosed with cancer. Smith traveled to be with his brother and again helped take care of him up until he died last spring.

Smith believes caring for his brother was a good thing. He says it gave him an epiphany that helped him get past some hang ups, and they ended up being closer than ever. Now Smith’s other younger brother, who lives back east, is facing cancer. Smith would like to be with his younger brother but has to deal with his own health issues right now.

Smith says his siblings have been incredibly important to him and offered him meaning and mentoring. He believes people with close sibling relationships are better off: “Life can throw anything at them — even death — and they’ll be OK.”

About siblings

• Brothers and sisters often grow apart as adults, as each sibling creates his or her own family and career.

• Many times adult siblings stay stuck seeing each other as they were in childhood. The older sibling is seen as bossy or perfect; the younger one needs to be babied and won’t grow up. These roles are hard to shed, but it can happen.

• Oftentimes, they come back together as they enter old age.

• Siblings can help one another recapture youth.

• Reconciliation between siblings can be very strong once a new connection is made.