DAYTON, Ohio — “Would my kids be better off if I got a divorce?”

That’s one of the toughest questions I have been asked in therapy.

I try to help parents work through this complicated question. The answer has lifelong implications for the entire family. Here are the five factors I ask parents to consider:

1. Is my marriage the source of my unhappiness? Overwhelmed by the stress of work, children and a perceived lack of support from a spouse, many parents feel trapped in unhappy relationships with few prospects for improvement. Recent research by Linda Waite has challenged that assumption, finding that two-thirds of unhappy spouses who stayed together actually improved their marriages over a five-year period. Sometimes couples’ satisfaction was due to actively working on problems, but in other cases marriage partners just became more accepting of their spouses.

In other situations, marital satisfaction increased when stressful events such as child-rearing or financial strain decreased.

2. Would divorce bring me happiness? Some of the same issues that cause an unhappy marriage can linger after a divorce. I’ve found that many parents, both men and women, misattributed the reasons for their unhappiness, blaming their spouses. They blame their spouses for feeling unhappy or unfulfilled and romanticized that life would be wonderful if they were alone or with a different partner.

This research would surprise them. One 10-year study found that divorced men were six times more likely than their married counterparts to experience depression and women were 31⁄2 times more likely to be depressed.

3. How do children handle divorce? Kids growing up with divorced parents are at a significant risk for serious academic, behavioral and social problems. They are more likely to drop out of school and become pregnant during their teen years.

As adults, they are twice as likely to get divorced as kids who grew up with married parents. Youngsters from divorced families typically have less contact with their parents.

4. When might divorce be good for kids? One of the few occasions when I do strongly advise parental separation is when the safety of the children is at risk, due to physical or sexual abuse, violence or drug abuse. Kids deserve a safe home, even if that means with separate parents.

5. How involved would my ex-spouse be in our lives? Many parents experiencing marital problems are under the illusion that their problems with their spouse will end with a divorce decree. Unless one spouse gives up parental rights, you’ll still need to communicate and compromise with someone you may not like. Please remember this as you go through your divorce process.