I have a confession: Every time my husband loads the dishwasher, I sneak in behind him and do it over again.

Apparently I’m not alone.

A brief discussion in the office the other day revealed there are all sorts of household disagreements about dishwasher-loading protocol.

Does the silverware go handle up or handle down? Should plates lean toward the water spray from below, or is standing perfectly vertical acceptable?

How much rinsing, exactly, is required before an item is considered ready for the dishwasher? Do whisks need their own space or are they sufficiently airy as to get clean even if they are just tossed in on top of something else?

In the wide world of things that matter in any given household, these questions hardly merit serious discussion.

Except, people do discuss them. Even argue about them. A colleague admitted it drives him nuts when his wife puts items into the dishwasher in what he considers to be the wrong way.

Because when it comes to the politics of the dishwasher, the difference between a leaning plate and a vertical plate can be the difference between peace and hostility. Or at least mild disapproval.

Sharing a home — with anyone — means making all kinds of compromises. Your housemate or spouse may not do everything exactly as you would. My husband and I long ago made peace with this reality, which is why I try to shut my mouth when he sweeps the floor or dusts the living room — so what if they aren’t done the way I would do them?

Likewise, he keeps quiet when I fold laundry, which I never do as neatly or meticulously as he does (honestly, who folds T-shirts into such perfect squares other than employees at The Gap?).

But somehow when it comes to the dishwasher, I can’t let standing plates rest. I am compelled to redo his work.

And it’s not because he does it wrong, per se. I’m just convinced to the marrow of my bones that I do it more right.

Plates should lean, obviously, so they get more contact from the water being sprayed from below. Silverware should clearly go handle up so no one is touching the business end when the clean items are unloaded from the dishwasher.

And if you play the correct game of “Tetris” when you load the dishwasher in the first place, more of the dishes will fit in the machine, creating less work later.

A co-worker told me this was an issue of control. Control freaks obsess about how items are loaded into the dishwasher.

But I insist it’s really more about my personal obsession with efficiency.

Running the dishwasher costs real money. The water costs money. So does heating it with the gas water heater. The electricity to run the machine costs money, and we have to buy the dishwasher detergent.

Plus, all of those things use resources that as a conscientious consumer, I want to conserve. If dishes have to be rewashed, that’s a waste of money and energy. And I see no reason why the dishwasher should ever be turned on unless it is full to capacity (though not overfilled, as that would be inefficient).

So when my husband does the dishes, I wince when I see how he stacks the bowls in the dishwasher (they won’t get rinsed at all if the bowl part isn’t facing downward!), I cringe at how he wastes the space (I could fit five plates in the space you used for one!) and I roll my eyes at his inability to place the tall glasses in the “correct” row.

But I keep it all to myself, thank him for cleaning up after dinner and wait until he leaves the room. Then I reload the dishwasher.

But I swear, it’s all about efficiency. Because reloading the dishwasher after someone has already done it is clearly efficient.