My student continues to disobey the dress code

Published 5:00 am Friday, October 19, 2012

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Q: What should I do if my teenager keeps getting in trouble at school for dressing inappropriately? I can’t monitor my child’s dress 24/7 and I suspect a change of clothes between the time they leave home in the morning to the time they get to school.

A: Scott Olszewski is the vice principal of Mountain View High School in Bend. He has been an educator for 12 years. He has also been dean of students at Pilot Butte Middle School.

Olszewski says the first thing to do in this situation is to read the school’s dress code, which can usually be found online or in the student handbook that is provided at the beginning of the school year. Having knowledge of what the school’s dress code does and doesn’t allow is the best place to start, Olszewski said. It gives parents a solid base to understand the situation.

Secondly, Olszewski says it’s important to find out what your teenager did to break the school code. Oftentimes, teenagers know their parents are disapproving of their dress and will change their clothing and appearance somewhere between home and school.

Parents should contact either a school counselor or vice principal to find out the specifics of the code violation.

“The term ‘inappropriate dress’ is kind of a gray area,” Olszewski said. “You have to find out what that means exactly so when you’re talking with your child you can point to the rule in the handbook. It makes it easier to address.”

Olszewski says the problem of violating a school’s dress code isn’t exactly prevalent, but does happen at Mountain View High from time to time. Students generally violate the dress code because of a combination of reasons: They don’t have a solid grasp of what’s appropriate and what isn’t, and/or they violate it purposely in an attempt to rebel or push the boundaries.

Mountain View High School addresses the problem by first talking with the student about why the dress is inappropriate. School administrators pull the student out of class, and have he or she either retrieve new clothes from home or change their appearance so they no longer violate the dress code. Students must do this before returning to class. If the problem continues to happen, the school will enforce disciplinary measures on the third offense and have a meeting with the student’s parents. Other high schools in the Bend-La Pine school district take similar actions for dress code violations.

Before the situation gets to this point, however, Olszewski says it’s important for parents to have an open discussion with their teenagers about inappropriate dress. He says parents should use specific examples of what’s appropriate and what’s not, and have a conversation about why their child is dressing in such a manner. The discussion shouldn’t be about what the student should stop doing, as much as it should be about understanding and communication.

Ultimately, Olszewski says that parents should follow their own judgment about the suitability of consequences and punishment. He says sometimes it takes a few conversations before students truly understand the issue, so don’t give up if your teenager ends up violating the dress code again.

Olszewski also says it’s helpful to approach the situation with compassion.

“It’s all something we went through,” Olszewski said. “It’s really the same old thing. It’s about kids finding their identity. Sometimes they need some guidance with it.”