Dear Lisa: I’m struggling. I am the one who broke up with my ex, and yet I find myself really missing him. I know he still loves me. He sends me the most beautiful poems and sayings almost daily. He’s told me lots of times that he’d get back together in a heartbeat. All I have to do is open the door. I’m just not sure it’s the best thing to do.

What do you think?

— Renee

Renee: When you’ve been alone for a while, you start missing love in your life.

Being single can be lonely and hard. It’s why you have to develop activities that you keep doing even when you’re in a relationship.

Chances are your ex hasn’t changed so what broke you up in the first place is probably still there. What you are more likely missing in your life is love.

But it’s there. It’s just inside you.

To find it all you have to do is write a list of everything you love in life. You could write things like, I love my dog, I love my home, I love my favorite blanket, etc.

Read each one out loud and feel how open and loving your heart feels.

Repeat reading at least five or six items on your list a couple times a day so you get in the habit of feeling love inside you versus looking for it from someone else.

When you’re done, if you still feel like you’re missing your ex, go back and see what happens.

Often, there is a honey-moon period and then whatever annoyed you shows back up. Can you deal with this happening again? And if you try again, you will have to heal again should the relationship end. BUT if it works out, maybe it was just some time and space the two of you needed to heal then come back together.

Paid dating site vs. free

Dear Lisa: OK, so I have all these guys writing me on a free site, but on the paid? Not a soul.

What’s up with that?

— Aly

Aly: My opinion is the free dating sites like OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish are killing the paid sites.

On free sites, anyone can write to each other so you figure, why pay when you can get it free?

On the paid sites, you must be a member to write other people on the site. My clients are about 50/50 on which works best for them. Some love the paid sites and have had huge success on them.

Others love the free sites and find they are the belles of the ball with letters coming right and left from men interested in them.

You can find both quality and not quality men on both sites.

Before starting to date, I always recommend putting up a minimal profile with no picture just to get into a site. Look around and see who is on there. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to tell who is a paid member on the paid sites.

Next, choose one paid and one free site to post your profile.

For the paid site, I’d recommend trying it out for one month. This way you can see if there is any action on the site. If so, sign up for longer when your membership expires.

By the way, it takes dating a lot of men to find one you want to explore a relationship with. So many women quit when “he” doesn’t show up right away. It takes time, persistence and support to stick with it.