Have you ever watched a hospital or medical television show and afterward feel like you could be a doctor? You’ve watched every episode and honestly believe there’s really no disease or syndrome that you haven’t heard of. Your Latin and scientific knowledge has improved, and you’ve mastered the jargon.

We’re here to give you a run for your money. If these don’t trip you up, it’s not too late to apply for medical school next fall. See if you can choose the correct definition of these very real medical maladies.

1. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

A. A paralyzing fear of hippopotamuses.

B. The fear of long words.

C. Fear of misspelled words

D. Frequent flashbacks to playing “Hungry Hungry Hippo” as a child, and always losing.

2. Rapunzel syndrome

A. A condition where extremely beautiful, thick hair causes headaches and migraines.

B. The fear of being locked in a dark tower and forgotten about for years.

C. The ability to grow hair to impressive lengths, at a slightly accelerated rate.

D. A rare intestinal condition caused by eating hair.

3. Stendhal syndrome

A. Rapid heartbeat, dizziness and fainting that occurs when a person is exposed to beautiful art.

B. Rapid heartbeat, dizziness and fainting that occurs when a person is exposed to beautiful music.

C. Obsession with Marie-Henri Beyle or “Stendhal” realism novels, such as “Le Rouge et le Noir.”

D. Fear of being analyzed by a psychologist.

4. Jargon aphasia

A. When the ability to speak or retort vanishes, usually in confrontation with an aggressive person.

B. A condition in which the tongue goes numb and you can’t speak.

C. When someone is speaking in an entirely made-up language, and that person seems perfectly able to understand it.

D. When you’re so scared or spooked that you can’t scream or shout.

5. Progeria

A. When a woman is hormone-deficient and needs to take progesterone.

B. An irresistible impulse to yell vulgar things in public.

C. A disease that causes children to age rapidly and rarely live through their teens.

D. When a person thinks he’s a professional or “pro” at everything he does.

6. Verbal dysdecorum

A. A fancy term for a verbal argument.

B. When you have no censor and constantly say rude, mean and inappropriate things without realizing they’re rude.

C. A disorder where you say rude, mean and inappropriate things on purpose but secretly know you’re doing it and really enjoy getting a rise out of people.

D. The ability to spell words that you’ve never even seen written.

7. Arachibutyrophobia

A. A paralyzing fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

B. A close cousin of arachnophobia, where you’re afraid of tiny spiders.

C. The fear of eating an over- or under-ripened banana.

D. Fear of butter, also associated with Paula Deen syndrome.

Answers:

1. B. Also called sesquipedalophobia.

2. D. The compulsive eating of hair is called trichophagia.

3. A. Stendhal syndrome is actually named after French author Marie-Henri Beyle, whose pseudonym was Stendhal.

4. C. Jargon aphasia not only affects spoken language; it also affects visual languages, like sign language.

5. C. There is no effective treatment for this condition.

6. B. Verbal dysdecorum is associated with a brain injury, including trauma, stroke or a tumor.

7. A. May be related to a fear of choking, which is called pseudodysphagia.