Exploring Bend’s online dating scene

The arrival of Valentine’s Day, like it our not, causes us to fixate on our relationship status.

For an increasing amount of Americans, that means turning to online dating websites like OkCupid and Match and smartphone apps such as Tinder and Grindr.

Bend resident Alex Bolton, 22, is a typical — if enthusiastic — user of dating apps. His peers make up the most-represented age group on OkCupid in Deschutes County: straight males between the ages of 18 and 24 (14.67 percent of users), according to data obtained from OkCupid.

Bolton sparked his most recent rendezvous by using Tinder, a more stripped-down dating app that presents a user with a series of potential matches’ photographs. Bolton, who has matched with about 200 women (which only means both parties liked each other’s photos), said the stigma of online dating has gradually disappeared.

“The internet is amazing. It’s a good resource for some people to seek others out. I just wouldn’t want my family to know I try that hard to get laid,” he said with a laugh.

OkCupid does not release user numbers, however, it does release demographic data about users. Around 59 percent of Deschutes County users are straight men, whose age groups — between 18 and 49 — round out the top-four user slots. The top female user group is 18 to 24, at 7.32 percent. Next is the 40 to 49 age group, which represents 6.84 percent of users.

LGBTQ members comprise 9.35 percent of area OkCupid users, with twice as many female gay and bisexual users as gay and bisexual males.

Fifteen percent of American adults said they have used such online matchmakers, according to a 2015 report by the Pew Research Center. Bendites interviewed for this story say that initiating the dating process online is convenient, even if the results are sometimes less than ideal.

In the interest of putting our fingers on the pulse (or, rather, our thumbs on the screen) of Bend’s online dating scene, The Bulletin asked people of varying ages and gender to tell us about their online dating experiences — and misadventures.

‘A missed opportunity’

One evening last summer, Bolton sat at a bar table with friends. It was after midnight and he was swiping through potential matches on Tinder when he connected with a woman his age. They immediately struck up a sarcastic line of dialog through the app’s text portal. Bolton’s friends participated, feeding him ideas of how to “one-up the weirdness.”

For their first date, Bolton and the woman decided to meet over daytime margaritas, which inspired an impromptu hike along Tumalo Falls. Despite it being a little tougher to maintain the witty banter in person, they “had a great time,” he said, even stopping now and again to kiss. After the hike, things quickly escalated.

Such success is exceptional for him, however. Yet after he and his Tinder crush went on a second and similarly carnal date, Bolton said he never heard from her again.

“I knew homegirl’s whole story, and she knew mine,” he said.

Despite considering the stymied tryst a “missed opportunity,” Bolton was quick to mention that he’s been in a committed relationship with a woman he met through mutual friends. “She’s cool. She has really cool energy,” he said.

After recent experiences with online dating, Bolton prefers to meet in person because it’s easier to figure out compatibility.

“Online, people can be whoever they want to be and you get these expectations of this person you haven’t even met yet,” he said.

Tea and nervous chatter

A popular place to meet IRL — or internet parlance for “in real life” — is Townshend’s Bend Teahouse as evinced by the volume of giddy, nervous introductions, according to manager Carissa Glenn. There, amid ample two-person tables and the wafting potpourri of innumerable tea varieties, Bendites screen each other for prospective coupling. The teahouse is an alternative to the downtown bar scene, and perhaps better lends itself to sober character assessment. Townshend’s staff is so accustomed to first-daters, Glenn said they’ve made a game of sussing them out. Dead give-away: an effusive insistence on covering the other’s $2.50 tea. Glenn said she couldn’t put a figure on how many first-timers become not only couples, but regulars. “We’re not paying that close attention,” she said.

Glenn isn’t passing judgment; she met her boyfriend at the teahouse in 2008 when he answered her call for a Magic: The Gathering playmate which she posted under Craigslist’s Strictly Platonic Personals page. They didn’t play Magic for the first five years of dating.

“We kind of realized it was an excuse,” she said with a grin.

Of the other first-timers, Glenn estimated that 60 percent are high schoolers, perhaps drawn to the teahouse’s 10 p.m. closing time. They usually show up around 3 p.m., when the place becomes “Teenshend’s,” she said. But many people meeting are also in their 30s through their 50s, she added.

Too small a pond

Aaron Rohrbacher, 30, and also sitting barside at Corey’s, said online dating weirds him out.

“I’m from here, so either I’m talking with a complete stranger or I already know who they are,” Rohrbacher said. “It’s a small town.”

Rohrbacher used Tinder and OkCupid for a while before deleting them. Nationally, 20 percent of men and 40 percent of women said they quit online dating because they are dissatisfied by the people they encountered, according to a Consumer Reports survey of nearly 10,000 respondents published this year.

“It was more out of curiosity,” he said. “I still believe in the organic way of meeting someone the old-fashioned way.”

Fancy cars 
and dead animals

A 45-year-old Bendite mother, who has been divorced for two years, agreed to talk about her online dating experiences only if we didn’t print her name.

“Bend is a small town,” she said.

Two months ago, she set up accounts on Plenty of Fish and Match, the latter which features “more serious people” around her age and in the “upper-middle class” demographic. Her gender, sexual orientation and age group accounts for 6.84 percent of Deschutes County’s OkCupid users — the fifth largest group. She’s looking for a match with a man between the ages of 40 to 55. She’s aware, however, that her male peers may not be looking for a match within their age range.

She noticed a few common themes among middle-aged Central Oregon men’s profile photos.

“If they’re impressed by money, they’ll take pictures of themselves in front of their cars,” she said with a laugh. “It’s that, or they’ll be holding a huge fish or some other dead animal.”

— Reporter: 541-617-7816, pmadsen@bendbulletin.com

Editor’s note: This article has been corrected. The original version misstated the number of OK Cupid users in Central Oregon. The Bulletin regrets the error.