The best thing about “Morbius” is the runtime, because I really don’t know if I would have lasted much longer with its lazily slapped together story, which felt like a third-grader’s attempt at a Jackson Pollock.

While the Sony/Marvel joint feature (not to be confused with the Disney/Marvel “MCU” films) isn’t the complete dumpster fire the trailers and constant delays suggested it would be, but there’s really nothing worthy of the cost of admission for this superhero flick.

The paint-by-numbers approach is nothing new to the genre — in fact, most superhero movies use it — but with “Morbius,” we have what feels like half-realized plots pulled from other movies that did it better, with a script full of pure exposition and a lead with zero character arc.

The lead in question is Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto), a brilliant biochemist who suffers from a vague genetic disorder that causes physical ailments and will lead to an early grave. The good doctor is racing against the clock to find a cure for his disease and help not only himself but others who are suffering from the same thing, including best friend Milo (Matt Smith), who is also Michael’s wealthy benefactor.

We see in a flashback the two meeting as children while residing in the same Greek children’s hospital under the care of Dr. Emil Nicholas (Jared Harris), who 25 years later (not aging a day apparently) presents Morbius the Nobel Prize for inventing synthetic blood.

In his next try at finding a cure, Morbius looks to vampire bats, and when he tests out a possible way forward, it turns him into a bloodthirsty vampire with a ripped physique, special bat-like abilities like echolocation, and all his physical maladies gone.

While Morbius wants to avoid drinking actual human blood as much as possible, opting for his synthetic option as a way to quench his thirst, Milo has other thoughts. Even after Michael insists that Milo not take the formula, Milo steals it, cures himself, and chooses a more violent way to feed.

While Morbius looks for a way to stop his friend, the police are on his tail for the string of murders left in their wakes.

Leto certainly tries his best to make something out of the nothingness that is the script by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, but because the movie decided to focus on the external change of his character rather than any internal character arc, this hero the most boring kind to watch.

They even tried to jam in a romantic storyline between Morbius and his colleague, Dr. Martine (Adria Arjona), but instead of any sparks between the two, it’s as bland as boiled chicken.

In fact, the only one with a modicum of intrigue is Smith’s Milo. Not only is Smith loving what he’s doing, but Milo’s story is also the most interesting and has the most range out of all of them.

The laziness of the entire film is also evident in poor editing choices, action sequences that are confusing and barely discernible, unimpressive special effects and obviously poor camera work.

But the thing that gets my goat the most is that the filmmakers decided not to make Jared Harris appear to be a different age before or after the time jump. I’ve seen Harris in roles from 15 years ago. He doesn’t look the same.

The story tries to be more horror/thriller than other superhero movies, but the film fails to create any tension throughout, instead keeping the stakes pretty even keeled from start to finish, adding to the lazy feeling you get watching it. One wonders: If the movie had been able to earn an R-rating, would they have been able to do more with the horror elements?

Without a compelling story to drive the action, and certainly without any interesting storyline, “Morbius” lacks the fangs necessary to be a juicy superhero flick, instead lazily following the formula of the genre to a pallid effect.

On screens this week: Michael Bay is back with the action-packed, explosion-laden “Ambulance,” “Sonic the Hedgehog 2” rolls on to screen and Michelle Yeoh stars in the trippy “Everything Everywhere All At Once.” Check out my review on the last of those films in next week’s GO!