Before Memorial Day was a federal holiday in 1971, it was called Decoration Day. It originated after the Civil War, and — for over 150 years — it has been a day for families and friends to decorate the graves of those killed while serving in the United States Armed Forces.

In Bend, Memorial Day takes many shapes and forms. For some, the three-day weekend is a prized opportunity to enjoy all the events and recreation that Deschutes County has to offer. But for the robust community of Central Oregon veterans and gold star families — those who have lost a family member in the armed forces — it’s a day filled with remembrance and ceremonies honoring those they’ve lost.

Every year, the Bend Heroes Foundation holds the Parade of Flags at Brooks Park in front of the Bend Heroes Memorial to remember Bend’s veterans who made the ultimate sacrifice. Together, veterans and families left behind gather to display 250 flags along Veterans Memorial Bridge, also known as the Newport Avenue Bridge. Each flag has the name of a veteran embroidered into it.

After the ceremony, a select few in attendance shared their personal stories of loss, and told The Bulletin about how they choose to remember their loved ones.

Dick Tobiason, on Jessica Ellis

Dick Tobiason, the founder of the Bend Heroes Foundation and the person who organizes the annual Parade of Flags, said he prefers to think about as many people as possible on Memorial Day. But if he had to pick one person in particular whose name is engraved on the Bend Heroes Memorial, it would be Jessica Ellis.

“I think of Jessica a lot because she’s the only woman on this green and I know her mom and dad. They were here the day we unveiled (the memorial) fifteen years ago,” Tobiason said. “She was killed on Mother’s Day in 2008, so she’s been gone for 16 years now.”

“She had been in Iraq twice and she didn’t have to go a second time. When she came back from her first tour, she said, ‘My job’s not done… ’ So she went back … She went out with a platoon of combat engineers to find roadside bombs and, of course, that’s what killed her. She was killed by a roadside bomb.”

Ellis went into the Army as a medic in 2004, where she was assigned to the 101st Airborne Division. She is buried at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia, and was awarded the Bronze Star and Purple Heart.

Jerry Newman, on his son Randy

After the Parade of Flags ceremony, Jerry Newman sat pensively at one of the benches in front of the Bend Heroes Memorial. He was there remembering his son, Randy Newman, a 21-year-old Marine who was killed in action by an improvised explosive device.

It’s a tough week, Jerry Newman told The Bulletin, because Randy’s birthday always falls in the same week as Memorial Day. Really, May is just a month that the family tries to get through, he said.

“I see a lot of things in life that make me think about Randy and a part of that is that he was a strong, kind of a forceful young man that protected the weak,” Newman said. “He loved where he came from. He loved his family, he loved his county, he loved the guys he served with, loved the Marine Corps, though not as much as the guys he served with.”

Newman said Randy’s death is what spurred the creation of Bend Heroes Memorial. After Randy died, a Boy Scout wanted to rename the Newport Avenue Bridge after Randy Newman. Instead, the bridge became the Veterans Memorial Bridge and Randy’s name was inscribed in 2009 on the Bend Heroes Memorial in Brooks Park.

“We’re a gold star family now,” Jerry Newman said. “It’s real to us, but it’s not real to everybody. You see people when we’re all gathered here jogging by and they don’t have any concept of this. It’s okay, but that’s why they get to jog and have a good time and they get to have an extra day off for Memorial Day.”

Deb Baker, on her brother Donald McFaul

Donald McFaul belongs to a very small group of service members killed in action during the United States invasion of Panama in 1989, codenamed Operation Just Cause. Only 23 service members were killed during the invasion, though civilian casualty estimates vary from 300 to 3,000 depending on the source.

McFaul, a Navy Seal, was 33 when he died at Paitilla Airfield in Panama just two weeks before his wife Patricia gave birth to their daughter Megan. The circumstances were tough, McFaul’s sister Deb Baker said, but the blow was softened somewhat by the fact that he died as a hero.

“They were on the airfield — securing the airfield … and somehow (the enemy) knew that our military was there. They killed four people on the tarmac and my brother went and saved one of his men that was down,” recalled Baker.

“I wish he had gotten to know his daughter … He was hard working, he was very patriotic and he loved his family. He was just really quiet and had a dry sense of humor.”

After McFaul’s death, he was awarded the Navy Cross and Purple Heart for his actions. An Arleigh-Burke class destroyer, the USS McFaul, is also named for him.