When Bend resident Laura George goes to the grocery store with her daughter, Emme, she knows she has to be prepared to tell the story of their family. Everywhere they go, people smile and look, sometimes giving double or triple takes. Often strangers approach mom and daughter with comments or ask questions.

The George family stands out because 19-month-old Emme is black, while her parents, Laura and husband Mike, are white. Laura George mostly doesn’t mind the extra attention because she knows most people have good intentions, even if sometimes she wishes she could just run and get milk without being noticed. On most days, she is happy to share the story of how they came to adopt Emme from Ethiopia on July 4 last year. “As humans, we have a need to have the story make sense in our minds,” said George, who calls herself an ambassador for adoption and diversity.

Although Emme usually stands out among Bend’s fairly homogeneous population, that may be changing a little. The Georges belong to a local support group for families that have adopted or plan to adopt from Ethiopia. The group, called Central Oregon Family and Friends of Ethiopian Ethnicity, or COFFEE, has grown from about five families last year to 15 families now. Most are families who have recently adopted, although a few are still in the adoption process.

Carrie Kuba thinks the group is vital for her 20-month-old daughter, Abeni.

“She will be able to grow up with other children who understand completely where she’s coming from,” Kuba said.

When Redmond resident Camille Smicz traveled to Ethiopia to bring home her twin boys in fall 2008, one of the families she met at the embassy happened to be from Bend.

After Smicz returned home, she received an e-mail from the leader of the local Rainbow Club — a group for adoptive families — who messaged four or five local families that had adopted from Ethiopia. That is how the COFFEE group got started.

Each family has its reasons for choosing Ethiopia. The time frame for adoption from the country is relatively short, typically a year or two, and the cost can be less than adoption in some other countries. (However, the adoption process remains a long, difficult and expensive one.) Some families also appreciated the reputation of the country’s orphanages, which are known for being more loving and hands-on than those in some other countries.

According to the U.S. State Department, adoptions from Ethiopia have surged in recent years. In 1999, just 42 children from Ethiopia were adopted to the U.S. In 2009, the number grew to 2,277.

The journey

COFFEE members chose to adopt for different reasons.

For George and her husband, the choice came after a five-year struggle with infertility. “For us, it was a transition,” George said. “For so many years, we were just stuck on trying to conceive.”

She felt she had to mourn the biological child she could never have before she could move on and look at other options. Now she sees this as part of her journey to becoming a mother. She believes Emme is “the one soul meant to be my child.”

Emme’s birth mother handed Emme over and formally relinquished her rights to the little girl. George said that was a rarity; many of the children are simply abandoned. George sees this as a courageous act by the mom to risk shame and provide safety for her child. “I have immense love in my heart for her, which only grows each day,” said George. She would like to go back someday and do something to help this mother and thank her.

The Georges took Emme home when she was 5 months old. “It’s a moment you dream of and want for so long,” George said. She calls it magical and surreal.

Camille Smicz and husband Ron had a biological daughter, Piper, now 5, but struggled to have any more. Smicz always pictured herself with a large family, but the infertility treatments felt manufactured, and were emotionally and financially draining. The couple decided to adopt. They had asked to adopt one or two children, but had no idea they would end up with twin boys, now 2.

Bend resident Andrea Abramson and husband David have a biological daughter Madison, now 9. They went back and forth for a few years about whether to have another. Eventually they decided they wanted to adopt because it just felt like the right decision. In October of last year, they brought home Trace, now 5. They didn’t want to adopt a young child, still in diapers, and wanted their daughter to have a sibling relatively close in age. Both of Trace’s parents died, and he has memories of living in Ethiopia.

“We’re still in the stage of learning about who Trace is,” said Andrea Abramson.

Trace managed to master English in about three months and is still adjusting, said his father, and the kids are learning from each other. Madison is helping Trace become calmer, and he is helping her become more assertive. It’s as if “they’ve been siblings all their lives,” said David Abramson.

“He adds so much to our lives,” said Andrea Abramson. “It hasn’t always been smooth. But the thing is, we can’t imagine life without him.”

Bend residents Sara Adams and husband Andy have two boys, now ages 9 and 7. Sara Adams wanted another child, and her husband asked her to pray about the idea of adoption. It was an idea she had never strongly considered, but after a little prayer she then knew it was the right choice. They had been to Kenya on a mission trip together and “fell in love with African people and culture,” which is how they ended up choosing Ethiopia.

The Kubas

Sometimes Kuba feels as if she and her family were living some kind of made-for-TV movie. Her biological daughter, Bella, has an extremely rare disease that required a kidney transplant (which she received from her dad). Doctors didn’t think the little girl, now 6, would live very long, although now she is doing great. Because the disease was a genetic disorder, Carrie Kuba and husband Martin didn’t want to give birth to any more children, even though they wanted their family to grow. They decided to adopt from Ethiopia, in particular because Carrie Kuba had friends from the country.

The Kubas were excited to receive a referral for a little girl, but the little girl died before the adoption could take place. “It was hell. It was horrific,” said Kuba. The girl had died of kidney failure.

Although still in mourning for the girl, they proceeded with adoption plans and six weeks later were referred another daughter, whom they named Abeni. She was just 4 months old when the Kubas brought her home.

Kuba says when they were in Ethiopia, they made sure the little girl had their last name. “She was our daughter” and they wanted her recognized as such and not as an orphan.

Kuba says Abeni is high-spirited with an explosive personality. She is joyful, playful and feisty. And for now, the TV movie aspects are starting to fade and Kuba feels their family life is settling down.

The group

Kuba, who has a master’s degree in multicultural education, says it was imperative for Abeni to be around kids like herself.

“These kids need to be around other kids that look like them,” said Kuba.

Adams agrees that the group helps make the color differences the norm for her daughter. She will grow up seeing “other black babies with white moms and have that be OK.”

While the parents may have different styles or personalities, the children bring them together.

Smicz helps organize many of the events and activities. She wants to learn about Ethiopian culture and share that with her kids. They have read books together and eaten Ethiopian food. They have learned about the country’s history and celebrate some of the holidays and traditions together. She recently traveled to an Ethiopian festival in Portland, where the kids experienced traditional games, music, food and dress.

Complications and diversity

Adoption is a transition for families. For some families, this meant biological siblings had to learn how to share attention. Kuba says it has been a big adjustment for her daughter Bella, who was “used to having her parents at her beck and call.” But ultimately, Kuba thinks this is a good adjustment. She likes watching their sisterhood adjust and develop over time. “I think both of them have pretty interesting perspectives on the world.”

Smicz says the transition was tricky for their daughter because her twin brothers draw attention. But she is adjusting.

The families also have to adjust to how people in the community react. A few have received negative or racist comments, but those are the exception.

While George doesn’t mind people coming up and talking about her family, she would like people to be thoughtful. Asking “Is she adopted?” is OK with George. She doesn’t like comments like the one she received from one woman who said, “Oh, you couldn’t have a child of your own, I’m so sorry.”

Several parents mentioned a comment they often hear, one they really dislike. Strangers walk up to their children and say, “You are so lucky.” George wants people to think about what that kind of comment could do to a child’s self-esteem, making the kids feel as if they were being thrown away. Besides, in the parents’ minds, the parents are the lucky ones.

Smicz says she appreciates when people want to acknowledge how beautiful her children are, but sometime people can be intrusive and frequently touch them or pat their heads. At the fair recently, a woman told Smicz, “Your children look so odd and out of place.” Smicz could only stare in response.

She knows that the way she responds to these questions and comments sets an example for her kids.

When people ask her, “Oh, are they your children?” she knows they are really trying to ask if she gave birth to the children. But Smicz thinks the only right response is to say “Yes.” She knows her kids are listening and she can’t hesitate to say, “Yes, these are my children.”