At 90, he’s Deschutes County’s oldest volunteer mediator. What has he learned about life?

Published 5:00 am Saturday, January 21, 2023

This is Charlie Young. For 25 years, he’s resolved conflicts at the Deschutes County Courthouse — disputes among neighbors, spouses, businesses, landlords and tenants.

He’s still doing it. Last Friday, he turned 90. And he has no plans of slowing down.

“I’m not giving up,” said Young, who added: “It keeps the old brain going.”

As the court’s oldest volunteer mediator, Young has dedicated his retirement years to managing conflicts.

Once, Young mediated a dispute that involved a person who called the cops on a neighbor in the middle of the night — over a barking dog. Another time, he helped neighbors upset over people racing cars in the neighborhood and when the discussion was over, everyone was planning community barbecues.

Young’s job is not to say who is right and wrong. He is not a lawyer arguing a client’s case to the court. Young is the middle man, hearing one side, communicating it to the other, making suggestions over what everyone can do to find common ground.

Put simply: He helps people talk, listen and empathize with one another.

“Empathy is one of the keys to resolution,” Young said during an interview at The Alexander, a Bend retirement community where he lives with his wife.

“Most people are so angry. You have to identify with their emotions in an empathetic way so that they can start to think clearly … Empathy opens the door.”

Celeste Hasbrouck, who has served as the mediation program’s coordinator for five years, said a large portion of the cases that come before mediators — all of which involve less than $10,000 — settle if they go to mediation. She says this is an outcome that’s often preferable to having a case handled by judges and attorneys who argue and rule over who is right and wrong.

“This is a way out where they can both have control of the outcome of their case,” Hasbrouck said. “I just feel like people are better off when they make their own decisions.”

Young is one of 18 volunteer mediators at the Deschutes County Circuit Court, Hasbrouck said. Most are retirees. They must be level-headed, able to separate themselves from the heightened emotions of disputes over child support, medical billing, evictions and housing. To Hasbrouck, that’s Young, someone who can maintain a calm demeanor and restore relationships when communication breaks down between people.

“I think he puts people at ease,” said Hasbrouck.

Over the years, these conflicts could give someone a bleak outlook on life. Young acknowledges that they can be exhausting. Whereas he used to handle as many as six in a month, now he handles far fewer, perhaps two or three.

“I’m wiped out the rest of the day,” he said. “It’s simple but you put all your energy into it. I’m 90, so it shows up. I get back and I often have to sit back and relax and sometimes I fall asleep right in my chair.”

But Young’s experience, for the most part, has not made him a pessimist. In fact, it’s shown him that people have a lot more in common than they might realize during their tirades. Time and time again, the people he works with leave their meetings with a handshake.

“Success in mediation is when there’s some healing,” he said.

Young has blue eyes, an East Coast accent and describes himself as sensitive but blunt. He maintains consistent eye contact, often raises his eyebrows when he speaks and uses a variety of hand gestures to help make a point.

He grew up in Massachusetts. His interests in helping people stemmed in part from his parents. His father, who died from an ulcer in his colon when Young was in high school, was a defense attorney who was passionate about fighting for underdogs, Young said. His mother was someone who just loved helping people in times of need, whatever that might be.

Young graduated with a bachelor’s degree from Saint John’s Seminary in Boston. Over the years, he worked as a pastor in southern Mexico, a priest in Eastern Oregon, a flight instructor, a corporate pilot, and a human resources director for an electrical contractor.

Young retired in 1997. That year, he moved to Central Oregon and saw an advertisement on television to be a volunteer mediator at the courthouse. Since then, Young estimates he’s mediated more than 1,800 cases. Now, he trains mediators, too.

Young starts his discussions by first telling people that what they say will remain confidential, per state law. Then, he tells them the most important thing: to maintain good faith.

“When the other person is talking, do not try to figure out how to answer them. Try to figure out what they’re trying to say,” he often reminds them, adding: “It’s a matter of being open to listening to the other side.”

As communities grow increasingly politically divided, Young says it’s essential to foster communication skills from a young age. He’s written a book with exactly this goal, called “Constructive Communication with a Path for Challenging Situations.” He intends to introduce the book to high schools, families and businesses.

At the front of the book is a quote from Aristotle. It says: “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”